Chapter 15: Paid in Full

Note: Speech in italics is being translated from American sign language to spoken language with no other notation.  

The trip back to Egregia was much more pleasant than Tatiana expected.  She found herself spending a great deal of time at the front of the wagon, talking to Carl or just watching the green of the woods over the bobbing horse heads.  After a while she was no longer distracted by Carl’s red skin and eyes, or the sharpness of his horns.  It became as normal as Alister’s round face or Kadeem’s blue hair.  

The wagon reached the market on the third day, the high sun burning off the clouds that had settled in the night before.  Tatiana exited the wagon and froze, her eyes locked on the stall in front of her.  It was Tate’s, or it used to be.  It had already been taken over by someone selling duck eggs, Tate’s presence erased without even an emptiness to stand in remembrance.  Next to it was the same booth as always with its vases of fresh herbs, dried bundles hanging from the overhead awning, poultices, powders, and teas.  Two bouquets of flowers marked the edges of the stall.

Amber caught her gaze over the top of her herbs, her blue eyes widening in astonishment.  She dropped her pouch, blessings scattering across the ground.  The woman from the neighboring stall bent to help her.  Amber disregarded the money, stepping out of her booth, eyes glazed.  She placed a hand on Tatiana’s arm.  “You’re real,” she whispered.

“I think so,” Tatiana said wryly.

“I thought you were dead,” Amber turned back towards her booth, “I need to sit down.”

Tatiana followed her into her stall, “Why did you think that?”

Amber sat heavily on her stool, then rifled through her ledger with trembling hands.  She removed a piece of paper, handing it to Tatiana.

“PAID IN FULL,” was scrawled across the document in red.  At the top, above the flowing script of the loan document, a different hand had written, “R’cd 50,000b for life of Bianca Abatangelo.”

“Oh,” Tatiana stared at the document, “I think the Devils get paid for every new priest they bring to the Order.”

Amber shook her head slowly, “I thought I'd killed both of you.”

“When did you start selling flowers?” Tatiana wasn't going anywhere near the topic of Tate.

“They're not for sale, they're offerings,” Amber stood, scooping up a bouquet of tiger lilies, “These were for you.”

Tatiana accepted the flowers pensively.  A better flower would be a rose; it's alluring blossom the revocation of her curse, death and betrayal its thorny stem.  

Kadeem touched her shoulder, “Alister sent me over here to get you.  He wants to see your patron’s shack.”  Kadeem looked around, “Did you really live in one of these?”

“No, I lived beyond the market,” Tatiana sucked in her lips, then turned to Amber to say goodbye.

“Come see me tomorrow and I’ll give you some horsetail,” Amber offered, “It’s good for broken bones.”

Tatiana nodded at her, “Thanks for the flowers.”

Alister was purchasing food from a stall.  He signed at Kadeem as they approached.  “I get to carry the rice, you get potatoes,” Kadeem pointed at the bag.  “We wouldn’t want you to strain yourself, Princess.”

“Give me the rice, and we’ll see who strains themself,” Tatiana tucked her flowers in her sash and hefted the bag onto her hip.  It couldn’t weigh much more than 20 lbs.

Alister grabbed the edge of the sack, “You can’t carry that.  You only have one good arm.  That’s why I gave you half the weight.”

Sheepishly, Tatiana passed the bag to Kadeem.  “Are we walking or is Carl giving us a ride?”

“I guess I assumed your patron lived by the market,” Alister frowned, “How far away is his cabin?”

“Five or six miles away.”

“Five miles?  No, we’re not walking that.  Hold on, I’m getting Carl,” Alister set his bag down next to them and weaved through the crowd.

Tatiana peeked in the bag.  A loaf of bread, a couple of beets, and a bundle of carrots.  “Who the heck eats beets?” she asked Kadeem.

Kadeem didn’t answer her.  He was staring at the people walking by, almost as if he was looking for someone.  Alister reappeared, squeezing through a line that had formed at a booth selling grilled cheese sandwiches.  Tatiana’s stomach growled.

“Can we eat some of the bread for lunch?” she looked at Alister hopefully.

“It shouldn't take too long to get to your patron’s cabin.  We’ll eat soon,” Alister shepherded them to the edge of the market.  Carl was waiting with a much smaller cart and a solitary horse hitched on the wrong side of the cart.

“That’s literally putting the cart before the horse,” Tatiana mused, “My patron would have loved that.”

“This area isn't really steep, but it's all downhill,” Carl patted the horse, “Hitching Eva this way will make things a little easier for her.”

Alister was already placing the food in the cart.  He gathered his robes and hopped in.  Kadeem pouted at Tatiana.  “Go ahead,” she waved him on.  She didn't mind sitting next to Carl again. Tatiana scrambled into the lower cart easily enough.  Carl jumped in beside her, clicking his tongue at the horse.  The cart began to roll downhill, the horse controlling its descent.  

Seating assignments aside, Alister spent his time chatting with Carl.  Unable to follow the conversation, Tatiana was the one who spotted it first.  Initially she thought it was a sack of something discarded on the road.  Trash was unusual in Egregia. Everything got used, reused, and repurposed.  Curious, she stared at the object, until they were close enough that she could see it wasn't an object.  Horrified, she covered her mouth and pointed, unable to make any sound other than a shriek.

“Whoa,” Carl called to the horse.  He jumped out of the cart, approaching the crumpled figure.  He rolled the body out of the road, stopping to place the back of his hand near the mouth.

“Do you have any idea why there's a body in the road?” Alister touched her shoulder gently.

Tatiana shook her head, biting her fingers to soothe herself.  

“I think she’s dead,” Carl clambered back into the cart.  He signed back and forth with Alister, then turned to Tatiana.  “He wants me to tell you this too.  Um, I guess I could sign a little bit, then say what I just signed?”

“Never mind the translator,” grumbled Kadeem.

Carl ignored Kadeem, signing for a minute, then speaking, “When Alister lived here, about three years ago, the drones would land to drop off the cursed.  Last fall someone tried to hijack one of the drones.”  Carl switched back to signing.  Alister was turning red, his eyebrows pinching together.  “After that, the drones stopped landing.  Instead, they started dropping people along the roadways.”  He signed some more, then paused and looked at Tatiana, “You probably know the answer to this.  Are they drugging people before they drop them?”

“Maybe,” Tatiana sucked in her lip, “I remember being dropped, but I don't remember hitting the ground.  The next thing I knew, I was in my patron’s cabin.”

“I had no idea that was going on,” Alister’s eyes were bright with anger, “Drink in the words of the Ellipse, ‘The rulers who would despise the poor, I will put to ruin.’”

“What the hell?” Carl mumbled, then clucked at the horse.  The wagon resumed its downhill course.

“‘Those who harm the vulnerable, I shall not forgive.’”

“That it?” Carl pointed somewhere in the distance.  Tatiana squinted, but couldn't see what he was pointing at.  Alister continued prophesying, calling down doom upon his own superiors.

“Superiors that he elected,” she thought sardonically, “Not that I’m fully off the hook either, but there's so much I didn't know.”  Well, to be fair, there were things Alister didn't know, but he could have found out if he wanted to.  He was even eligible to run for office himself, though she couldn't imagine him enjoying it.

The wagon halted, interrupting her thoughts.  Tate’s cabin stood in front of her, the door closed.  His cart was missing, as if he were merely off in the forest cutting wood.  Tatiana climbed out of the wagon and opened the door a crack.  Feeling for the latch, she chewed on her bottom lip.  The door swung open, and Tatiana tentatively crossed the threshold.  There was no where she could look without seeing signs of her own struggle; the water pail laying on its side, the chairs pushed to the sides of the room.  The hearth sat grey and cool, and Tatiana stared at it bitterly.

Carl hefted the bag of rice into the room, then busied himself placing logs and kindling on the hearth.  Kadeem and Alister entered with the other bags, Alister immediately picking up the bucket and heading out towards the creek.  Kadeem moved the rocking chair away from the wall, putting it back in its place.  Tate’s fiddle fell out from behind it, and Tatiana picked it up without thinking.  

She was sitting on the Harper’s porch, rocking herself on the porch swing.  The screen door opened and Tate came out, joining her on the swing.  

“Hey,” he barked at her.

“Tate,” she breathed, “what are you doing here?”

“Communing with you, Bee,” he took her hand in his.

The fur on his hand was soft, and before she was aware of what she was doing, she was pressing herself against him.  “I have to find my Holy Relic,” she mumbled into his shirt.

“You already have, dummy, you’re touching it.”

Tatiana blinked at the fiddle cradled in her arms.  She was sitting on the floor, facing the wall.

“Are you conscious?” Alister asked from behind her.  

She turned around.  A fire was roaring in the hearth.  Carl sat on the overturned bucket, stirring the pot.  Kadeem and Alister had claimed the two chairs, a familiar notebook across Kadeem's lap.

“Yeah, sorry, I must have dozed off,” Tatiana set the fiddle on the floor next to her.

“You found your relic.  If we were at a holy place, I’d give you an orange sash,” Alister’s eyes searched hers, “I didn't realize you had that sort of relationship with your patron.”

“Wha-what?”

“You were holding that fiddle like this,” Alister pretended to snuggle with an imaginary fiddle.

Tatiana felt the sudden heat rise in each cheek like a slap, “It was just a dream.”

“Communing with your patron is closer to channeling or speaking to the dead than dreaming,” Alister nibbled on a slice of bread.

Tatiana’s stomach flipped, “So that was really him?”

“It’s his enlightened spirit.  He will have special knowledge regarding you.”

“Like mind reading?” Tatiana cringed.

“No, thank Holy Circle.  I can't imagine having my mom read my mind, can you?” Alister’s lips twitched with amusement.

“Try someone you had a crush on who hated you,” she thought acerbically.  Aloud she asked, “How does that happen, communing?  Will that happen every time I touch the fiddle?”

“Yes.  You will need something neutralizing to carry it in, preferably something your patron hasn't touched.”

Tatiana glanced around the cabin.  Everything had been touched by him, the bag he used for groceries still hanging on its peg, the blankets she had shared with him.  She bit her lip.  Being here was making it hard to focus.  “Find Holy Relic, get fiddle, find Amber,” she thought, “Check, check, sort of check.”  

“The next step for you is to deliver blessings to the people.  Once you've blessed 3,000 people, you earn your yellow sash.”

“3,000!” Tatiana was horrified, “I don't even know that many people.  I probably know 300 people tops.”

“This isn't some weird popularity contest,” Alister’s mouth was twitching again, “It’s a basic priestly duty.  There's no need to get it done right away.”

“But how am I going to change anything unless I do?” Tatiana smacked her good hand on the ground, “I need that rainbow belt if I’m going to tear down that wall!”

“It will be accomplished in Ellipse’s time.”

Carl signed to Alister, an upset look on his face.  Alister and Kadeem started arguing, their faces tense.  

Carl poked Tatiana and tipped his head towards the door.  He stood, mumbling something about taking care of the horse, and ambling outside.  Tatiana waited a few moments, then followed him.  Neither Alister nor Kadeem looked up from their conversation.

Carl was outside brushing Eva.  She was unhitched, head down as she nibbled on the long grasses and leafy underbrush.  “That translator is bad news,” Carl’s eyebrows pinched together.

“What happened?”

Carl let out his breath in a sigh, “Alister has always been . . . different.”  Carl swatted at a fly that was buzzing Eva, “I don't want to say this the wrong way, but he’s just . . . different.”

Tatiana screwed up her face in puzzlement.  She had no idea what Carl was trying to say.

“Look, I’ve always had crushes on this person or that, even if I was too shy to ever do anything about it, but Alister, he just wasn't interested in people that way.”

“Are you saying Alister likes Kadeem?” Tatiana scratched her head, “And so he keeps him even though he’s a pain in the butt?”

“No, listen Tatiana, Alister doesn't have crushes.  He doesn't fall in love or what-have-you.  I’m telling you that because Alister was calling you ‘Dear,’” Carl huffed, “He likes you, but not like that, understand?”

Tatiana flinched reflexively, “Ooookay.”

“And now I’ve hurt your feelings,” Carl scratched the base of one of his horns, “Which was not what I was trying to do,” Carl lifted one of the horse’s hooves and started cleaning out the bottom,  “Kadeem left that out of the translation because he doesn't want you getting close to my brother.”

“Kadeem has a thing for Alister.”

Carl shook his head, “Is that what he told you?”   Carl tapped his lips with his index finger, “Maybe.  It’s just not okay to leave something out of a translation on purpose like that.”

The door to the cabin swung open, Kadeem stomping his way outside.  He went up the dirt road, his clenched fists betraying his anger.  

“Where is he going?” Tatiana followed him with her eyes.  Someone should go after him, but not her.  Definitely not her.

“He won't go far,” Carl was unperturbed, “He’ll run out of steam long before he hits the market.”

“Speaking of running out of steam . . .” Tatiana gave Carl her most beguiling look, “. . . there isn’t any food that I could have, is there?  I think I’m going to faint if I don’t eat something soon.”

“The rice should almost be done and you can help yourself to the bread.”

Tatiana eagerly opened the door.  Alister was staring moodily into the fire,  the loaf of bread on the floor.  Sitting on the ground, she ripped off a hunk and took a bite.  She took her time eating it, savoring the yeasty tang.  The fire sizzled and Alister shifted in his chair.  With the reflection of the fire in his eyes and warm lighting, she could almost imagine how he had looked as a Devil.  

Carl opened the door, letting in a gust of wind.  He checked the rice, pulling the pot out of the fire with a wad of denim.  Tatiana hovered as he filled the two bowls.  “Here,” he handed both to her, “Give one to Alister.  I’ll eat after you two.”

Tatiana touched Alister’s arm to get his attention.  He looked up at her, taking the bowl of rice from her hands, “Thank you.”  

Tatiana ate until her bowl was empty.  With a sigh of satisfaction, she passed the empty bowl to Carl, then turned to Alister.  “How come you don’t usually talk to me?” she tried to speak clearly and enunciate each word.

“It’s tiring, Dear,” Alister’s eyes were glued to her mouth.

For some reason, the way he said “Dear” made her think of her grandmother, and Tatiana giggled to herself.  Alister shook his head at her, his eyes flickering between amusement and disapproval.  

After she got her chortles under control, Tatiana met those vivid blue eyes and asked, “What do we do next?”

“For now, rest.  Tomorrow we’ll bless people in the market,” Alister turned to Carl, signing.

Rest.  Tatiana looked at the straw mattress on the ground.  It couldn't hurt to lay down for a little bit.

Chapter 14: A Pure Mind

Note: Speech in italics is being translated from American sign language to spoken language with no other notation.  

She met Alister and Kadeem out front of the building. Entering in rank order, Alister boarded the drone first, followed by Tatiana.  Instead of sitting near the door, Kadeem climbed over Tatiana and sat down practically in her lap.  Annoyed, Tatiana scooted closer to the door.  “Really, Kadeem?” she yanked her robe out from beneath his bottom, “What are you afraid of?  Think I might grab his Holiness and kiss him?”

“Don’t try to play innocent with me,” Kadeem sniffed at her, “I know what type of virgin you are.”

“Oh really?” Tatiana twisted around, “And what type of virgin is that?”

“The type that does everything except the actual act,” sneered Kadeem.

Alister stuck his left hand in between them, bringing his right hand down on it in a chopping motion.  Tatiana didn’t even have to know sign language to get his meaning.  He was telling them to stop arguing.  She turned her body away from Kadeem, crossing her good arm underneath her bad.  The earth outside of the drone was getting smaller as the craft took flight.

“His Holiness says he caught a few words and he doesn’t condone conversations about sexuality,” Kadeem’s voice dripped with resentment.  “He wants to make sure you know,” Kadeem paused.

Tatiana turned back towards Kadeem, “Know what?”

Alister looked at her, “You will die,” he slurred, flipping his hand back and forth like a fish out of water.

“Die?” Tatiana lowered her brows, “From talking about . . . um, dirty stuff?”

“You are so stupid,” Kadeem huffed, “No one dies from talking about sex.  You’ll die if you have sex.”

“You’re the one who’s stupid,” Tatiana looked down.  The ground was a patchwork of greens and browns.  “I wish I wasn’t even on this drone.”

Alister stood up, ducking his head.  He pushed Kadeem towards the far end of the drone and sat between them.  He poked Tatiana, “Do you have paper and pen?”  She pulled her notepad out of her robes and passed it to him.  He wrote for a while, then passed her the pad back.

“The first requirement to become a priest is to be virginal,” it said, “The last requirement is that your curse be taken over to the land of the dead.  You can think of it this way: you have one foot in the grave.  The only thing keeping you in the land of the living is your purity.  Lose that and you die.  Therefore, it is a poor choice to stir up desires that cannot be fulfilled.  Live your life with a pure mind and you will be content.”

Tatiana stared at the notepad, shocked.  “So I can never have children?” she wrote.

“Don’t think of what you have lost, think of what you have gained,” he wrote back, “At least that’s what Mina says.  I think she’s full of it.  You must live a life that is mostly solitary, and that’s hard.  I don’t personally feel that I’m missing out when it comes to sex and romance, but that’s just me.  It’s harder to give up the idea of ever being part of a family again.”

Tatiana sat still, lost in her thoughts.  She was vaguely aware of Alister and Kadeem talking back and forth, but she no longer cared what they were saying.  She had always wanted to start her own family someday.  As far as sex was concerned, she had been trying to wait for marriage.  Now there was no someday, she was destined to die alone.  “Or in the arms of a man I can't resist,” she thought rebelliously.

The drone was making good time to the border.  She was vaguely disappointed by their speed.  For the moment she would have to put her thoughts aside and focus on the situation in front of her.  

They landed in front of a concrete building.  Once the door slid open and the steps extended, Tatiana exited.  Alister clunked down the stairs behind her, his eyes on the institutional looking building in front of him.  He made a bee-line for the entrance, Kadeem hard on his heels.  Tatiana lingered by the drone. She didn't like the look of this building, or its location.  It was close to a river, the sound of water deceptively peaceful.  Even if there wasn't guard towers or barbed wire, her gut told her this was a prison.

 

Alister looked over his shoulder and gestured at her.  She nervously walked towards them, feeling like she was heading into an avalanche zone.  Her internal alarm system was going crazy, sending adrenaline pumping through her veins, her mind telling her to run.

Alister tapped a button next to a biometric pad.  “Help you, Holiness?” a voice crackled out of a speaker grill.  A prior visitor had ground their cigarette on it, leaving the butt on the ledge formed by a seam in the concrete.

Kadeem addressed the the speaker, “I am a translator for his Holiness Alister Ellipse.  He is deaf.  You may address him directly and disregard my presence.  He says that we would like to cross the border to Egregia.”

The intercom crackled, “Cross the border?  No one wants to go to Egregia.”

“We are on a mission, sent by the Holy Circle, the eternal Ellipse,” Alister’s signs were firm, bold.  

“One moment,” the speaker went dead.

Alister frowned, glaring at the front of the building.  He continued to sign, his frustration obvious in the force of his language.

Curiosity peaked, Tatiana turned to Kadeem, “What's he saying?”

“He’s prophesying against them if they don't let us cross,” Kadeem watched Alister talk, with the casual attitude of someone eavesdropping.  

“How do you know it's prophetic and he’s not just pissed?”

“First of all, Princess, Alister doesn't get ‘just pissed,’” Kadeem pulled his hair out of his eyes so he could glare at her, “He’s a holy man, in direct communication with the higher power.”  His bangs slid back over his brown eyes, “And second of all . . .”

Tatiana watched him fuss with his hair, “You should wear a barrette.”

“That's it, I’m not talking to you anymore,” Kadeem walked away from her, heading back towards the drone.

The speaker crackled to life again, “We will need to confirm the identity of the priests and translator.  Please take turns using the biometric screening device.”

Tatiana poked Alister and pointed at the biometric pad.  He gave her a puzzled look, so she took his hand and placed it on the device.  Even after releasing him, she could feel the residual warmth from his broad fingers in her palm.  “I really need to start learning sign language,” she said to herself.  Alister finished his screening and Tatiana took her turn.  She winced at the prick of the needle, watching as the device turned yellow then green.  

Alister signed for Kadeem to come back over.  He marched over to the screening device, his head down.  As the cuff wrapped around his hand, Kadeem yelped.  Tatiana laughed, then glanced at Alister guiltily.  Much to her relief, he was laughing too.  When Kadeem finished his screening, Alister signed at him.

“He says servants have never been cursed.  They are people who have chosen the holy life for themselves,” Kadeem’s face was impassive.

“I guess I should have warned you about the biometric screening,” Tatiana said apologetically.

“I should have warned him,” Alister responded, “You don't have enough experience to know what servants know and don't know.  But you can safely assume that Kadeem knows nothing about Egregia.”

The speaker came back to life with a buzz, “I will be opening the door.  Please enter.”  There was a humming sound, and Tatiana grabbed the knob.  She held the door for Alister and Kadeem, trailing them into the sallyport.  

A guard sat in a plexiglass booth, a speaker grill and biometric pad mounted on the front.  Another steel door was in front of them, a window showing an empty hallway with floors waxed to a high shine.

“Close the door,” the guard spoke into a microphone in his booth.  

Nervously, Tatiana closed the door behind her.  She could hear the lock click into place, and she hoped no one noticed her hands were shaking.  They waited in the sallyport until a second guard appeared in the hallway.  The door clicked open and they were escorted down the hall.  The walls of the hall were blank, broken by an occasional steel door.  The hallway ended in a T, and the guard led them to the right.  There were large windows on the left side of the hall, affording a clear view of a green expanse of grass.  

Alister stopped in front of the windows, signing his approval of the yard.  The prisoners were outside, fishing in a lake and tending a small garden.  Tatiana squinted at a wolfman pulling weeds.  Even though she knew he was dead, part of her hoped he was Tate.  Feeling her eyes on him, the wolfman looked up and winked at her.  Tatiana’s face burned with mortification.  Abashedly, she turned her attention to the guard, who was talking about the structure of the yard.

Alister asked about the odd haze on the sides of the yard unbounded by the building or the lake.  “It’s a black hole barrier,” explained the guard, “As you approach it, it seems to move away from you and time slows down.”  Like a tour guide, the guard directed their attention to the lake.   It was a wholly artificial feature, water entering the compound through a massive pipe covered with steel grating.  The shore to the left of the pipe was bounded by a sixty-foot wall.  “Scale-proof,” the guard stated proudly.  Directly across from the pipe was the dam itself, a much lower barrier that afforded a picturesque view of the woods of Egregia.

“Don’t people just escape over the dam?” Tatiana asked.

“Sure, sure,” the guard smiled, “Even if they survive the fall, into a dry creek bed, I might add; they land in Egregia and are good as dead.  Nine times out of ten they’re back here begging to be let in.  They like it here.  The cursed need this kind of structure.”

Tatiana shivered involuntarily.  There was a type of evil that was so institutionalized, so sanitized, that it couldn’t even be perceived.  “Unless,” she thought, “Unless you are the one it is structured against, and you are the blot it is trying to wipe out.”

The others were already continuing down the hall, and Tatiana had to hurry to catch up to them.  At the end was another door.  The guard used a biometric pad to open it.  He waved them inside, then shut the door behind them.  Finding herself in another sallyport, Tatiana jittered.  

“You claustrophobic?” Kadeem asked.

“No,” Tatiana continued to shiver, “Carcerophobic.  Jails creep me out.”  There was a buzz as the door in front of them opened.  They exited the sallyport into Egregia.  “Why have a door that goes to Egregia in a prison?” Tatiana looked back at the door.  There was no handle on the Egregian side.

“It's not a prison,” Alister responded, “It’s a work camp for the cursed who have technological skills.  If someone can't work for some reason, they transfer them to Egregia.”

“So this is the place,” Tatiana looked for the creek, but saw nothing, “but how would someone sneak into that place?”

“Sneak in?” Alister gave her an odd look.  

“I would go in through the service entrance,” Kadeem contributed, “All these places have one.  Just find a vendor that comes regularly.  Then you either get hired by them or you hide yourself in their delivery.”  He stopped suddenly, a blush spreading across his face, “Not that I would ever do anything like that.”

“Uh-huh,” Tatiana shot him a knowing look.  

In the distance she could hear the tromp of horse hooves.  As the wagon drew nearer, she waved in recognition.  It was Carl driving the horses.  He pulled up in front of them, his face sober.

Alister signed to him, and much to Tatiana’s surprise, Carl signed back.  She nudged Kadeem with her elbow, “What’re they saying?”

“It looks like this Devil was Alister’s brother.”

“What?” Tatiana spoke louder than she intended, then lowered her voice, “Carl is Alister’s brother?”

“He’s not the Devil you assaulted, is he?”

“No, Carl’s a good guy,” Tatiana was watching his face.  He looked like he was going to cry.  “He’s good with the horses, gentle, quiet,” she sucked in her lip thoughtfully.

Alister scampered up the side of the wagon and gave Carl a hug.  The two men embraced for a moment, before they both turned their attention to Tatiana and Kadeem, Alister signing and Carl yelling, “Get in!”

As she approached the wagon, Carl rolled out a metal ladder.  “Smithy heard you were coming back,” he pointed to the ladder, “She made you a gift of sorts.”

“I’ll have to thank her,” Tatiana scaled the ladder with ease, “This really helps.”

Kadeem climbed up after her, his eyes wide, “Why horses?  Doesn't it take forever to get from place to place?”

“I was born here, so it doesn't seem weird to me,” Carl rolled up the ladder, “but our mom wasn't.” Carl flicked the horses’ reigns, “She used to tell me about things like cars and drones.  Sometimes I’d try to explain it to Alister, but I didn't really know how to sign it.”

“Your mom didn't sign, did she?” Kadeem’s brow furled.

“A little.  More than my dad, but not as much as me.  Kids pick up things like that a lot faster.”

Kadeem frowned, “You probably don't even have a deaf community here.”

“Oh, we do,” Carl didn't seem to sense the barb in Kadeem’s words, “That’s how Alister and I learned to sign.  We had a deaf nanny.”

“Did she default on a loan?” Tatiana couldn't help herself.

“Yeah, something like your situation,” Carl looked at her, “Sorry you got caught up in that.  We really loved our Nan though.  And she was allowed to go back home once we were grown.”

“And that makes it okay,” Tatiana couldn't hide her bitterness.

“No, it doesn't make it okay,” Carl gazed out at the road ahead of him, “but love makes things a little bit better than they are without it.”

Tatiana felt something land on her face.  She brushed it away with her fingers, her hand coming away wet.  “What if you were never loved?” she thought to herself, “What if you just tripped over someone else's love story?  What if everything is rejection and hurt?”

“His Holiness wants to know if there's something we can do for you,” Kadeem looked vaguely annoyed.  

Tatiana shook her head.

“It’s hard for me too,” Alister looked out the front of the wagon at the dirt road ahead, “so many of my memories are here, in Egregia, and many of them are painful.”

“Mina said something about you not wanting to name your patron,” Tatiana rubbed her eyes.

“Yes, I had a hard time accepting what happened.”

“Me too.  I still don't really believe it.”

“My mother is my patron.  When she killed herself I was very angry with her. I was sure this was proof that she hated all of us,” Alister’s eyes were bright with pain, “To hear someone say she killed herself for my sake was horrific.”

Alister’s story made hers feel insignificant in comparison.  

“Aren't you going to share, Bi-er, Tatiana?” Carl glanced at her.

Feeling foolish, Tatiana shook her head.

“Okay, I’ll tell it then,” Carl turned to Alister and started signing.  Tatiana pulled her notepad out and tried to write.  Feeling stuck, she tapped her pen against the page.

“I hate you,” Kadeem spoke suddenly.

“Aw, what brought this on?” Tatiana side-hugged Kadeem.

“You don't deserve to know,” Kadeem squirmed out of her grasp.

“My brother said he will protect you and never betray you,” Carl chimed in, “He was really touched by your story.”

“What exactly did you tell him?”

“Just what I know,” Carl shrugged, “That your friends tied you up and traded you for another woman.  That you fought them.  That one of your friends died.”

“I don't need to be protected,” Tatiana stretched, then sat cross-legged.

“I don't think he means physically,” Carl smiled diplomatically.

Tatiana glanced at Alister.  He was talking to Kadeem, hopefully oblivious to the fact they were talking about him.  She flipped to a new page on her notepad and started writing.